half

and it shouldnt be...

im half letting go and half holding back *sigh* did you ever experience having first day or first week jitters for a new job? like you dont fuckin know why you're there? you're trying so fuckin hard to fit in but seems like you really dont belong? yet evrybody is so fuckin excited about it? and all you can do is to look fine (and firm) while your heart is fuckin tearing inside? ----- i just did and still am.

twas so hard... twas not me...

ive talked to a few people. and i was already decided to stay a little more longer at iweb. why? im happier, no work pressure and definitely with a higher monthly compensation. hmmm, not until ive speak with my ninang bing. the only person ive talked to that is not bias. not that im sayin the others are bias but i know deep in their hearts that they want me to stay at cupi. that conversation was a fuckin eye-opener... i have come to realized that what i am going through right now is simply normal. im still on adjustment period. and i really need to give up something. i said to my mom that i was like assessing myself this past few days and i just realized that i am becoming i-want-more-money kind of person. well, honestly? yeah... hehehe!

im still confused but i know this is the right thing to do. i need this work experience and for sure it will help me a lot in the future. forget the high basic for now, forget the happiness, and most importantly *sigh* forget the fuckin free internet access evry night.

i can fuckin do it...