c/o blingjam

moi

I never had anything happen so fast I took one look and I shattered like glass I guess I let it show 'cause your smile told me you knew That you're everything I ever wanted at once There's no holding this heart when it knows what it wants And I never wanted anything more than to know you I was swept away No one in the world but you and I Gotta find a way to make you feel the way that I do I was swept away Without a warning Like night when the morning begins the day I was swept away

sayang

its iloveyou in malay..

i learned that word from fatimah, my dear friend from malaysia. im still learning new words and im enjoying it ---- terimah kasih, apa khabar, selamat pagi, selamat petang, selamat malam, sama-sama, selamat hari lahir, nama saya, bintang, bulan, etc..

when and how everything started?

she added one of my videos (every little thing) at youtube on her favorites four months ago. i send her a thank you message for doing such because i didnt expect that. i never expected that there will be people who will take time to watch the stupid videos that i made (out of boredom, hehehe). ---- Statistics Video Views: 18678 Channel Views: 310 ---- imagine that. then she replied, and i replied, then she answered back, and i left a message again... we gave each other our YM ids and started chatting.

trivia: we had a total of 20 chats now from april 28 to june 20 *wink*

hmmmm, and now you're thinking.

some of my friends are starting to ask me about her. they view my friendster profile and read her testimonials. "hey, are you in a relationship right now? who is that girl?"

kaLoi: sweetie, what dyou want me to tell them about you?

fatimah: its up to you sayang ..

kaLoi: i want it to be from you..

fatimah: no, no, it should be up to you..

kaLoi : hmmm, alright, il tell them ur someone special..

fatimah: *hugs*

yes, she is...

i have known her during the not-so-happy moments of my life this year. i thank god for letting our paths crossed. and i thank you tube, ehehehe... seriously, i never imagined that i would care for someone from a distance. i mean i didnt thought that technology will be part of it. we are now exchanging sms and i am calling her sometimes. i just feel good about it.

i know there is a reason for all of these. we may not know it today and that time can only tell.. it could be romantic in nature or maybe not.. i just wanna say *terima kasih my sweetie*

boredom

when boredom strikes at work ---- like done with office works, you have finished putting new entries onto your blog, updated friendster profile already, uploaded pictures, checked mails, tired of browsing, or maybe no one is online on your YM list, or you're just too lazy ---- well, visit this site!

http://mariemarie0000.free.fr/fichiers/images/pop.swf

*dont forget to put it in manic mode, ayt...

thanks abs!

i dont wanna miss a thing

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
Far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever

I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

zirkoh

june 21, 2006 at zirkoh greenhills... i was with my family when we visit the bar. it was all our first time there. it was a blast! woooot! the sing along masters were jinky oda, ER, dana, and mike. they were just substitutes because almost everybody that night were at The Library at malate (its the bar's nth anniversary). and as we all know, most probably 90% of sing along masters and very good stand up comedians are from The Library. anyways, we had a lot of fun! it was stella ruiz who performed at prime time and gladys guevarra was her guest. i really want to see gladys. she really has a resemblance with reese witherspoon. im going to visit zirkoh greenhills again. happiness!

53% male

Your Brain is 47% Female, 53% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

unshelter me

just to let you know what keeps me busy nowadays... aside from sleeping, watching movies is another thing that i wont trade to anything else... if i have a spare time, you'll surely gonna catch me in front of television. actually, its not only during spare times, honestly i hate it sometimes that even there are tons of work awaits me, i set aside it just to watch a dvd. sigh... feeling guilty again. imagine, there was a time that i suddenly woke up and i know i can still manage to go back to sleep (its my talent, hehehe) but i make myself believe that i cannot do that anymore so the best thing to do is to watch a film. and not only that, i know for a fact that if there's nothing to do i have to get a piece of paper and try to solve problems (you know what i mean, engineers out there!) and for the past few weeks, i am trying to finish all the vcd's that i bought from Lflicks. so far, i have finished watching Lword season3, better than chocolate, and incredibly true adventures of two girls in love. you see, just a few right?! i still havent seen most of the movies (i ordered 6 movies and 2 tv series). and right now im already planning to order again, because they've got new movies, really good movies, the ones that im actually looking for. and you know what, i dont even mind. you think im sick?! not really, that's what you called passion... (hehehe, defending oneself huh!) once i finished all the movies, ill post here my reviews and comments (hmmm, i wonder when will that be). i know i gotta do more important things and stop convincing myself that im just doing this sort-of-passion thing for leisure (and somewhat pleasure as well) and its not affecting my everyday life and probably my whole life, whew! i just feel great whenever im able to watch these films (dont get me wrong). and besides, i bought them so i need to watch them. and ive been looking for these movies since 2004. did i say im going to stop convincing myself?!

quotes to live by

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."~ Melody Beattie ~

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough."~ Meister Eckhardt ~

"How a man plays the game shows something of his character, how he loses shows all of it."~ Author Unknown ~

"It is never too late to be what we might have been."~ George Eliot ~

"Don't walk in front of me because I may not follow.Don't walk behind me because I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend."~ Albert Camus ~

"The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch swing with, never saying a word, and then walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've ever had."~ Unknown ~

"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was."

"The true meaning of life is to plant trees under whose shade you do not expect to sit"~ Nelson Henderson ~1860

"The hardest thing in life, is letting go of what you thought was real."~ Author Unknown ~

"Life is what happens, while you are busy making plans."~ John Lennon ~

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."~ Elbert Hubbard ~

pasindi

tangenang yan, mukha b kong lighter?! ahahahaha! i was heading to the office tonight, bumaba ako sa usual na binababaan ku --- PBcom, and i usually light a cigarette right after i go down from fx, two girls approached me and ask 'pedeng pasindi?' xempre, inabot ku nmn yosi ku, d ku na kc makuha pa un lighter ku kc nsa nilagay ku ulit sa bag instead sa pocket ku. aun, tpos the other girl asked me pa if i work at call center din and i juz nod for a reply. she ask if im from IBM and i told her im from iWeb. aun, thanks daw... and then i walk, walk, walk (not too fast kc its early p nmn) then when i passed by mini stop, there were 3 guys about to smoke, potah! walang lighter???!! sus! savior daw nila ku...may ganun tlga?! cause of delay ng pag-smoke ku. hehehe. lesson for tonight: if youre a smoker, try to bring your own lighter para d makaabala sa iba. buti n lng mabait ako at di insekyora tulad ng iba.

bogart

we had bogart for 7 years. imagine that... he is already a part of our family. its like that i lost a little brother (cry). i can still remember when he was just a puppy. he sleeps beside me. or with my sister or brother. kme naglilinis ng pupu nia, ng mga kalat nia... he's so sweet. sasalubong yan pag dumadating kme from school. pag anjan na un magko-collect ng trash, tatahol un... our neighborhood knows him. he always moves his tail when he wants to play or kht maglalambing lang... (cry) then every new year he enters the house kc he's afraid of fireworks. kasalo din nmen xa sa food pag kumakain ng snacks... and every time we go out and happened to eat somewhere, pag may tira kme food pinapabalot tlg nmen for him. pero ngaun... wala n xa (cry)

when i came home after shift yesterday, sinalubong nia ku. nilambing ku nmn xa xempre. it was my birthday. tpos ilang oras lang pagkakain ng breakfast, nawala n xa (cry). parang hinintay lang nia ku dumating (cry)... parang ni-greet lang nia ku (cry). sobrang lungkot ku tlg... this is really my saddest birthday. we dig his grave (cry). it was like a scene on a dramatic movie --- i was digging his grave under the sun, sweating, crying so hard that i couldnt breath, like you cannot distinguished my sweat from my tears --- funny but i did all that... then i need to sleep na kc i still have work tonight, but i cant... its only now while im typing this blog that the truth is sinking in to me... nahihirapan ako, sobrang nalulungkot, kc alam kong kahit kailan hindi ku na xa makikita ulit. whats left are all memories. but i know i can be with him again someday --- sa heaven.

sad birthday

happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to me!

im 24 years old now... time is really running so fast, i can still remember what i was doing on june 11, 2005... this is actually my first time to spend my birthday at the office because i was sick last year so i wasnt able to report to work at teleperformance. i keep on receiving text messages (i just received one from arianne). even my mommy send me a very touching message, i didnt expect that. my birthday this year is very remarkable. for the first time, im the one who gave a present to my family. i bought them a new television. and for me, this birthday is the saddest birthday i ever had.

when i got home after shift, we cooked breakfast (i was really starving) right away. then we ate. me, mommy, and kat (kebong still sleeping). kwentuhan at tawanan, gnun nmn ang eksena sa umaga. then there was like a knock at the door and we didnt bother to look at it because we know that its just one of our pets, either bogart, kikay, or chacha. then my mom went outside and... sigh. bogart passed away. i didnt know what to do, i just cried. i love you bogart.

bogus

what the fuck!

Date:
Saturday, 10 June, 2006 10:44 PM
Subject:
Happy Birthday!

Message:
Star,HAppy birthday!...I know ur not happy 2 hear itfrom me..Sna ndi kna glit..ope for ur hapiness..Ndin ko llapit syo ..preho lng tyo mahihirapan..nway,ope der will come a time n magiging friends ulit tyo..u take care.mwaah!

bogus!

potangena dba? hmmmm... tama ba un reaction ku? honestly, natuwa nmn ako kht papano, at least naalala nia. pero sna wla n lng un ibang mensahe, nakakainis lang. ok na sna eh...

i dunno, im really having a hard time now to believe in her. i know thats quite unfair on her part because i can honestly admit that we had a great time together, well yeah, not always but most of the time i guess. or that is just something i wanted to believe then?! i dunno! dammit, im writing a blog about her again and this is not good for me... kya nga nilubayan ku na ang friendster blog dhil most of my entries there were all about her, sigh!

im getting better now (im sure). "and hey, likewise, im also wishing that someday when i see you, i can already distinguish friendship and love when it comes to you."

wish ko lang

i woke up at 3pm today. sobrang init kasi! ewan ku ba, dba tagulan na?! anyways, i was able to watch wish ko lang.. its one of the service-oriented programs of gma7 hosted by vicky morales. i love this show! it always touches my heart everytime i watch it.. awhile ago the episode was all about a young kid named norbert (he looks like a sto. nino) from quezon province who has a cataract and i dunno if he also has some kind of dwarfism. he's now 5yrs old but only 2ft tall. he can speak though which is good. it touches my heart that he's still aspiring to finish his studies despite of his current situation.. sometimes he wants to play but he couldnt... im grateful to gma7 for having shows such as this. hopefully you could still help more people on the near future. =)

collection 103

s t i c k e r s

they are cute, i just love to see them... i am actually going to use them for scrapbooking (yeah right, when i am able to start it anyway?!?) i couldnt remember the first sticker that i bought but i usually bought them in bulks, like 5 pieces in one sungle purchase... theyre cheaper than my other unintentional collections.

spontaneity

i was on my way to megamall before my shift tonight. i am going to buy a scientific calculator at national bookstore, it was traffic and i was just staring at the busy street of emerald ave... argh, i saw a white honda starex, alright i want to have this one. then, just a few seconds later i saw a silver toyota innova. these are not my dream cars, remember, my dream car is a mini cooper, but these cars are included on my wish list... sigh... sometimes i really feel frustrated when i see people having the things that i like. call it being envy if you want, but that's what i feel.. and it challenges me most of the time. if others can, then why cant i?! anyway, i still love this day! you wanna know why? well its because i have once again experienced life's spontaneity =) i saw my two good friends back in highschool, khony and rose.. i really miss these guys! i saw khony at the bus going to ayala. good thing she happened to looked at her back (i didnt actaually recognize her when she went up)... we talked and had some coffee at starbucks before we parted ways. and then i received a text message from rose that she'll goint to drop by at my office since its just within the area. this is happiness.

once again

june 7, 2006 we had breakfast at mcdonalds st. francis... me, joey, abs, shaila, neil, willa, dexter, and aimee... its been a looong time. i miss my tele friends. i miss cyclops. i love these guys. sometimes i miss also miss whoever i am when im with them. well, i dunno if it changed, but maybe... and then after the breakfast, we waited for the opening of megamall (me with shaila, neil, and joey).. hehehe, we bought television from sony and this is courtesy of shaila... thank you shai! she let me use her credit card! =) hmmm, its my gift for my family for my birthday...

exactly!

when i was a little kid, i fell from a tree.. but i manage to hold on to a branch.. i was up there for a long time and waited.. the silence, the pain in my arms, the blood pumping in my ears.. then i fel.. i couldn't remember what happened when i hit the ground.. all i could remember was the agony of HOLDING ON and the wonderful feeling of LETTING GO..

been there... done that...

collection 102

l e t t e r s

most are from my highschool friends... and that was when i actually started having lots of letters. hehehe, but letters from people who became really special to me are not included in the box, they are all kept seperated, hehehe. anyways, yeah, i can still remember those tons of letters that i have now. i guess a whole day to read everything is impossible... sigh, receiving a letter is sweeter than text messages, for my own perspective. but yeah, that's technology. but you know what, when we were in highschool, i was even receiving simple notes like 'hello' - 'eat your lunch now' - 'i miss you' - 'take care' - and all that... and i kept them all... and im missing that...

voodoo

"why do people always let you down, no matter how much you've done for them?that's why i try not to need anything from anyone."

unfinished

... i opted not to finished this crap because i suddenly felt like an asshole...

Para saan ang ginagawa kong ito? Isa ba itong liham? Kung oo, para kanino? Cguro para sayo ito kung sino ka mang nagbabasa ngayon. Ang corny noh? Parang un movie na message in a bottle ni meg ryan. Pero toto kasing nakakagaan ng pakiramdam ang isulat (i-type) ang nasasaloob nten. Dahil aminin mo na d lhat ng nakakausap mo o nahihingaan ng sama ng loob ay naiintindihan ka tlga, or worse d lhat totoong nakikinig.

Isa akong ordinaryong tao na naniniwalang extra ordinary ako. Naaalala ko nuon ng kasagsagan ng pakikipag textmates, may nagtxt sken kun pede dw b ako. Walang kagatul-gatol kong inereply sknya n im just an ordinary person and that he/she may find me less than ordinary pa nga, so don’t bother. Nalungkot ako sa cnabi kong un. D ku cgurdo kung matapang ako n sbhin ang totoo, pero totoo nga b un? Gnun nga b ku? Habang tumatagal, nakilala ku ang mga salitang insecurity, low self-esteem, no self confidence, at kung anu-ano pang mga salitang maiiuugnay mu sknila. Nung una hindi ako naniniwala, pero nariyan n ang mga senyales, buong pusong humaharap sken. Nung minsan nga sa psychology class nmen nung college, pinag-drawing kme, kht ano lang gusto mu. Pagkatapos ininterpret ng prof nmen un mga drawing, ang sken: low self-esteem (isinigaw yan sa buong klase). Yan ang dhlan kung bkt kabilang xa sa mga wish-i-never-met-this-person list.

Hindi ku alam kung inggit ang tamang term. Madalas kc, lalo n nung bata bata pa ako, naitatanong ku kung bkt un iba gnito, un iba meron nito, samantalang ako wala. Samantalang ako hindi gnun. Madalas nga akong maawa s sarili ku nuon eh. Mali un, alam ku. Ewan ku kung pano at kailan, pero dumating sa puntong naging positibo ako sa mga nangyayari sken. Lagi kong nire-remind ang sarili ku na lhat ng bagay may dhilan (w/c is true). Para sken walang coinsidence, lhat destined. Kht sa mga simpleng bgay. Minsan pag hindi ako pinaparahan ng jeep na pinara ku, iniisip ku lagi n I am not meant to ride that jeep that day that exact time. Dhil pag pinilit kong makasakay dun, may mangyayaring masama. Dhil nkatakdang sa susunod na jeep ako makasakay. Tinanong ku nuon ang mama ku kung naisip b nia na hindi n lng sana kme umalis ng pangasinan at dun n sna kme lumaki, sigurado akong ibang iba ang mangyayare. Basta, lhat para sken may kahulugan. Bwat araw, oras, minuto mahalaga. May isang pangyayari lng sa buhay mu ang d naganap, may isang tao ka lang n d nakilala, hindi magiging ikaw yan. Kya kung hindi nangyari lhat, malamang hindi ako nagta-type ngaun.

Ano b un lhat? Ano b kc ang nangyare? Hindi ku din alam.

Isa dw sa mga hobbies ku ang tumanga. Totoo un. Mnsan nktingin lang sa kawalan. Minsan nmn pinapanuod ku ang mga tao. Ewan ku pero natutuwa ako pag ginagawa ku un. Minsan nakakalungkot din. It usually makes me think abt life. Pano nga kya if life is never this complicated? Sana lng kc simple lang buhay. Pag nakatingin ako sa kawalan, madalas kong maisip ang mga pangarap ku. Nagkakaron ako ng imaginary planner sa utak ku kung pano ku matutupad un. Pano ku makukuha lhat ng gusto ku. Masaya ako kc isa akong taong may ambisyon sa buhay. Sa tuwing pinapanuod ku nmn ang mga tao sa paligid ku (masaya toh, para kang nsa movie haus) nkikita ku ang mga kakulangan ku (lungkot mode nnman yan tiyak) at un mga dapat kong ipagpasalamat (hiya mode ako d2).nakakalito tlg, d ku n alam minsan kung ano un tamang pakiramdam.

Gusto ku nmn i-share sau ngaun ang lhat ng natatandaan kong masasaya at malulungkot na pangyayare sa buhay ku (susubukan ku kung kakayanin ku ng chronological order).

Masaya ku nun nagtapos ako ng prep kc madami akong nakuhang medalya at nag-speech pa ako sa entablado, valedictory address. Best in reading din ako nuon at , at, basta mayat maya ang pagakyat ng mama ku sa stage. Shes proud of me, I know. Kya nga nun nag-entrance exam ako sa montessori isa lng ang mali ku. Isang bahagi nun exam ang tukuyin kung ano ang pangalan nun drawing. Nka drawing ang isang panlinis ng sahig. Mop dpat un pero wrong spelling ako, map ang nailagay ku (o pede rin d ku tlg alam). Mayayaman ang mga classmates ku dun. Nauso nga dati un sneakers dba at grade six n yta ako nagkaron nun. S kdhilanang nasita lang ng kaibigan ku n bkt snoopy pden ang rubber shoes n gamit ku (c robert un, bading). Lagi akong nalulungkot nun elementary p ku pag tinutukso ako ng maloloko kong classmates. Mukha dw akong puppet. Pero d ako nagpapakita ng pagka-pikon xempre. Nun grade five nmn, mejo nag-excel ako sa klase. Panghapon ako nun eh, nahuli kc sa pag-eenroll (madalas un). Nag-exam para sa matira ang matibay at dhil mejo nag-excel nga ako, d ako kasama sa natira. Bgo din ntapos ang klase ay nalaman kong may sakit na goiter ang adviser ku (musta n kya xa?) hmmm, bgong mundo nmn ang hatid ng highscool sken. Ibang lugar, ibang mga tao, lhat iba. Sa LaConsolacion ako ng highschool at dhil cguro advance ang turo smen sa montessori nuon, kasama ako sa honor students nun first year. Ayos, sikat ako. Marso rin ng first year ku dun ng naging kame ni rose. Masarap ang pakiramdam ng inlove. Halos isang taon din kme, 11months. Ako ang nakipaghiwalay sa sobrang selos ku sa bestfriend nia, d n kc kme nging classmates pag dating ng second year.

collection101

m i n i c a r s

i only have a total of ten mini cars so far. it all started with the black one, the biggest you see on the upper left side. i just love cars. hmmm, i like the idea of having my own car. and when i got a chance, ill be driving a mini cooper darling =) but first, im planning to buy something that can be used by my whole family, something like a honda starex or toyota innova maybe... then if i already managed to put everything in their proper places, most probably im going to buy na my dream car... and hopefully soon...

sigh

well, in connection with that video, uhmmm i would just like to tell something. or should i say, something i want to release... pagbigyan nio na poh ako... that was may28, we went to batangas. padre garcia. my friend mherczh's place. i was with bunny and bernard. i dont know why i felt weird but of course still managed to hide it and show to them kaloi's funny side. anyways, that weird feeling came upon me when merczh mentioned about shiela (girlfriend of apple). she was asking me her last name because bernard is currently working at accenture and merz told me that the girl has just got in there. and so? i dont actually care about that. what really caught me was how did she know all that? you know how? hmmm, that's because apple gave her a call to congratulate her. very nice, isnt it?! i know i shouldnt be feeling this way... its a given fact that its not my business anymore and for a simple reason that its not right for me to feel that way. i dont know... sometimes i just really hate it when things are beyond my control. sigh.

juz a try

you and me

hmmmm, why am i posting this here?!?! its actually unintentional, really... it is! i was looking into my videos at youtube because joey and i talked about this particular video yesterday. then i see something like 'blog this video' so clicked it... that's it! youtube is supporting blogspot. alright, that's nice... hehehe. ciao.
bytheway, juz wanna share one of the comments here:
>celestyna
I was searching for "Lword" episodes and came across this little gem. It's so adorable I even started crying. Ah, I miss young love!

hmmmmm, hope she feels the same way too... (asa!)

mess up

fuck! i really hate it when its raining and im going out! i arrived here in the office at around 10:15pm.. imagine that! imagine how late i am! i was already outside the house waiting for a tricycle by 7:30... i really had a hard time getting a ride! damnit! alright, enough of that! i kinda hate myself today. no self- discipline again. i planned to study after shift. i even set the alarm clock @ 3pm, but guess what time did i wake up... 6:30pm! fuckingshit! i said im gonna start studying at the first day of june.. sigh. . ill buy a new calculator by the way, maybe on monday.